Stepping Back From The Brink

•2011 October 1 • Leave a Comment

There is a lot of talk these days about economic woes, what with the Western capitalist economy faltering.  And while there are many large-scale socioeconomic issues to deal with, the masses need to step back and think of things on a personal level.

A lot of psychological research is behind the current system.  It isn’t just a coincidence that almost everyone is having personal financial issues when such issues weren’t common in yesteryear.  The current system has normalized debt so it doesn’t turn people off like it used to, and has made it far too easily accessible to most people.  Likewise, the consummate consumerist society we live in has resulted in the masses (especially newer generations who have known nothing else) engaging in constant one-upmanship, feeling they can’t live without the latest toys, competing for the most/best stuff, worrying what others will think if they don’t have the same things, etc.  None of this mattered nearly as much (it always mattered a little) in the past.

It’s a perfect equation for those at the top of the corporate ladder (and their politico bedmates).  Unnecessary but attractive wants + easily accessible destigmatized debt = a financially enslaved population.  Why wait for people to save money so they can buy your product when you can loan them the money instead, and collect even more money as they pay it back?

It seems a lot of people don’t recognize these psychological underpinnings of the current system.  Whether people want to admit it or not, humans can be easily conditioned, especially when it’s indirect conditioning.  Neuroscience proves it.  The desire for things we really don’t need and which really don’t make our lives any better after the initial honeymoon period has been conditioned into us through advertising and media.  We are so technologically connected nowadays that it’s hard to escape those forces.  And the fact that it’s been this way for decades now does not help.

So the answer, if you don’t want to become a Luddite, is to consciously reject the desires the system is ingraining in you.  Start looking at advertizing for what it really is – a ploy to get you to buy a product, whether you need it or not.  Understand that the mainstream media is controlled by those who benefit most from the current system, and thus their stories and reporting are at least somewhat biased by it.  Stop and really consider what you need or really desire for your life, and act based on that.  Think of the long term consequences of relying too much on debt, and/or spending beyond your means (even without debt, failing to save for the future is a problem).

Beyond that, take a further step back and look at what is important to you in life – really important, not what you do to appease/compete with others.  For most people, time spent with loved ones, meaningful (or at least somewhat enjoyable) work, pastimes that enrich your life, and a particular few luxuries are what their desires boil down to.  Everything else isn’t really necessary and is only sustaining the broken system we have in place.  The first three really can’t be bought, though obviously some costs are involved, depending on how you spend time with loved ones, what type of work you do, and what your hobbies are.  As for the luxuries – they are far more satisfying when you have to save for them and delay gratification; the anticipation involved in having to wait and the effort required in having to work for them make them all the more appreciated when they finally are achieved.

I find it funny that many understand the point of delayed gratification when it comes to sex, and how much better it is when one avoids it (intentionally or circumstantially) for awhile, or even when one delays orgasm as long as possible.  Yet these same people cannot see the parallel in our financial lives.  Perhaps it’s simply because the powers that be have not focused as much on sex, other than to use it as a marketing ploy.  Or maybe people are just less easily influenced by such powers when it comes to sex.  Or maybe fewer people understand delayed sexual gratification than I realize.

Regardless, we currently need both political & socioeconomic shifts to deal with the problems, but also a shift in individuals’ consciousnesses to extricate themselves from the current system as much as possible and determine what they really need to have a good life.  Many won’t fully be able to determine such needs until they have tried living more meagerly and/or without relying on debt (as much as possible) for awhile.  I suppose therein lies the rub.  We’ve gotten so used to instant gratification in our lives that it can be a very difficult task to learn to delay gratification.  But it is well worth it.

I’m not sure what the solution is, how you get the masses to take a step back and really consider how they’re living their lives and whether they’re on the path they want to be on.  For many it’s painful to think about how far off their desired path they are, and what it will take to get back to it.  But to ignore it and roll along with the status quo is far more damaging in the long run, and far more likely to lead to regrets in our later years as we approach our individual ends.

Why I Gave Up Dating…

•2011 July 20 • 4 Comments

I tried the online dating thing on and off for 6 years or so… it was great in the very beginning because I finally realized there WERE plenty of guys who find me attractive, and so my previously horribly low self-esteem was lifted up substantially – I finally felt like there WASN’T something “wrong” with me.

But as it went on… ugh, it’s just nauseating.  Not only do I find people are even MORE shallow online now (which is irritating, because I sense in the beginning, before there were many dating sites, people cared more about finding kindred souls online… but maybe that’s a myth; I never tried it til I was 27), but I find that the dating sites also end up making ME more shallow, which makes me irritated with myself.  Often there are just SOOOOOOOO many people on there, you have to filter somewhat to get a handle on it — and often the easiest things to filter on (website-design-wise) are the trivial superficial things that really don’t matter to me in real life.  But with no sense of chemistry, and knowing that not all of it is truthful…

The last guy I dated from an online site I went out with three times — and as much as being rejected/dismissed out of hand suck it majorly, it actually bothered me MUCH more (to the point of tears) that I could tell the guy REALLY liked me, but I found him somewhat dull and not engaging.  I stuck it out for three dates in the hopes that he’d have a chance to relax and I may find him more interesting, but while he did seem comfortable enough by the end of the second date (I conversed fairly easily, since I wasn’t all that interested, and so we talked A LOT), he just didn’t get much more interesting (to me anyway).  In the end, I just knew I wasn’t that interested in him, something wasn’t clicking, despite him being a really nice, responsible guy with some shared interests of mine.  I figured it would be worse to lead him on with more dates when I had no real interest in him, but could tell he was hurt when I confessed I wasn’t interested — because it’s hard for dating rejections not to be taken personally.  But oh did I cry that night when I got home, I felt like such a jerk.

That distressed me so much that I stepped back and really looked at what I was doing.  All online dating (or fix-ups, or whatever) can do is increase the number of people you meet — but then it seems you have to try so hard to market yourself, which is even more difficult to do without lying if you’re deemed “deficient” in the superficial stuff by our culture (ie. my size)… and even when you do find a few to meet, you have to go through the awkward “interview” process, and then if one likes the other more than vice versa, hurt feelings are inevitable…

I just started to think of all the time & effort that would have to be put into such a dating system to meet someone I even remotely clicked with (inasmuch as wanting a relationship with them), and figured I have other things I’m far more passionate about that don’t make me feel bad, rejector or rejectee, that I’d rather spend that time on.  And after reading an article about some survey that found that the average online dater will meet ~30 people face-to-face before they find someone they’re willing to date (not even long-term, just willing to date beyond the first few dates), and knowing I’m far weirder and probably pickier personality-wise than most since I’m not looking to “settle down” to get married/have kids… I figured I was probably looking at more like 50-100 guys, assuming I could find that many to even meet me face-to-face.

(Funny aside — I did the eChemistry site’s EXCESSIVE >200 question quiz, and it told me I was compatible with 1 out of every 125 guys… and that it had no matches for me, haha… what a waste of time.)

The article about online dating was actually advocating using multiple dating sites and going out practically every night of the week and really “working at it” — UGH!  No thanks, my self-esteem’s either too fragile or far too important to me to put myself through that.  And being an introvert, I find meeting new people (too many/too often) very tiring and somewhat unsettling.

I’ve never had a serious relationship nor fallen in love, and I would very much like to find both someday, but the current dating culture is just not the way to find someone I really connect with… unless I want to spend all my free time for YEARS sifting through profiles and going on date after date after date after date in an endless search, all the while stressing myself out for going against my natural introverted tendencies.  And even then, I may end up having to to choose between staying single and hooking up with someone I’m just not that into (a recipe for disaster).  I’d most definitely choose the former, and then I’d be kicking myself for spending SOOO much of my precious free time on that rather than taking classes, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, etc.

So I quit.  Now I’m just letting life happen and trying to forget about finding anyone, and if I happen to stumble upon someone someday that I really feel a connection with (happens once in a blue moon, but they’re invariably attached, so not an option), then I’ll go from there.  I just have had to accept that some things in life you just can’t force — people can go out and find companionship and someone to share a life with, but real chemistry and love are far more random.  I suspect many are eventually OK settling for the former (because they want the conventional life) after giving up on the latter.  I’d rather hold onto the possibility for the latter, and accept that there’s a good possibility I’ll end up single forever because of it.  Far better single than in an unhappy/unfulfilling relationship (since I wouldn’t stay in such a situation anyway).

Though I still hold onto a tiny bit of hope that my luck may change someday and I’ll find that random intense connection that they write the songs and stories about.  A romantic, through-and-through.  :)

an angry agnostic, haha…

•2010 May 15 • Leave a Comment

So I was emailing a friend back this morning, after he sent me to reddit to check it out, and thought I’d post it here, as it was a bit of a clarification of my beliefs & my issue with atheists:

i found the initial disjointedness of the home page a little “argh!” for my inherent orderly-lovingness, haha, but i checked it out… searched for “agnosticism” for kicks…

and realized what a bunch of haters most atheists are!  haters of agnostics, that is… that they really don’t get the stance at all, that they’re tied to black & white belief/non-belief thinking…????  kinda reminds me of the life of pi…

an article linked said this:

“Atheists assign the probability of god’s existence to be infinitesimally close to zero. I doubt that the lack of commitment by agnostics to god’s existence or non-existence means that they assign 50% probability to each option. Agnostics clearly think that god’s non-existence is far more likely than his existence.”

i mean, wtf???  says who?  i really do feel more 50/50 on the whole thing, mostly ’cause i realize i’m limited to my 5 senses and there’s a vast universe of possibility that i can only tap into with my biased senses & brain.  then again, i’m also the type that will consider that an apple is only an apple because we understand it as such, but some other being with different sensory organs (and ability to digest) may experience it totally differently.  or a worm, for that matter.  that’s where philosophy starts to take over, haha…

i guess, atheist or theist, 99% of people prefer black & white to grey, and living within the limits of our own senses and experience rather than considering infinite possibilities.  but i’d be part of the 1% who prefer grey.  possibilities are far more entertaining than absolute knowledge.

thanks for indirectly making me angry this morn, danno.  ;D  maybe i’ll check out a diff topic there next time, haha…

Yep, the whole “agnostics are just cowardly atheists who are afraid of admitting it because of what others may think” idea prevalent in most of the reddit threads on this topic (& linked articles) REALLY REALLY irked me.  Like I’ve ever been afraid to debate and explain my beliefs to others, regardless of their stance.  Why are people so ignorant as to not actually ASK people why they hold such beliefs before they choose to judge them or assume they know why?

<sigh>  Atheists who believe all agnostics are just cowardly atheists can go to hell.  (even if they don’t believe in it, haha)

I am a writer at heart

•2010 April 24 • Leave a Comment

I am a writer at heart
(Though a scientist by trade)
I see around me a million souls
In whom the experience of life is made
Not as hopelessly mundane
As I often fear
But each rich with tales
Gathered year to year
Wholly unremarkable
To the undiscerning eye
But beneath the outer layer
One indeed may spy
Depths of many passions
Both pain and joy
Unrealized infinities
In each girl and boy
Each a story to tell
Of their unique time on earth
As they ventured into the world
From each’s own birth
I long to record
Something of their time
Spent experiencing and learning
Before they must die
And return to the earth
However their lives spent
Capture their perspectives
Til to the Mother they are sent

Untitled

•2010 April 24 • Leave a Comment

Life is short
Death is eternal
Perhaps we are not chased out of life
But rather drawn back to death
A return to what once was
Life, only a brief visit
Never meant to be a home
Meant to be enjoyed and treasured
As all brief escapades should be
Before returning to the earth
Where we belong
To dream of the adventure
Long since passed

[This is a response to reading Hesse's Narziss and Goldmund, in which he presents the idea of Death as a mother with open arms, not a judge or condemner, but rather one who sent us off to Life for a brief visit, to enjoy and tell her tales when we return.]

 
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